the demise of indulgence

.: let if flow :.

Michael Newsome — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 19:30:28 +0000

conflict, tension, battling minds,

crazy, confusion, lost in life.

storms abounding in my heart and soul,

stomach aching, knees weak, what is my role.

i’m not at home in my current state,

scared, fearful, what is my fate?

eighteen years of ignorant living,

filled with apologies but no forgiving.

9 meets 10, 10 meets 11, time moves on,

one day i’m here, the next day i’m gone.

depression, oppression, momentary insanity,

wondering the why of the existence of my humanity.

staring off into darkened skies,

getting lost in my past filled with lies.

my savior, king, redeeming love,

fell down from the sky like fire, power from above.

saving, embracing, bringing me home,

continual joy, some i haven’t seen.

anxieties, fears, worries still arise,

this time, hope filled, with no disguise.

leading through vallies, leading by waters,

giving me courage, to encourage sons and daughters.

my past redeemed, the future is bright,

seeking, yearning, walking towards the light.

my heart is weak, my soul is weary, but i have hope,

taking me into the water, washing with heavenly soap.

amidst anxiety, amidst fear,

seeking joy, slowly, surely, with each new year.

my love is silent, my love is sincere,

my love is growing, my love is real.

it’s a process, a journey, a marathon race,

i’m walking slowly, steadily, at my own pace.

one day we’ll finish, your hand in mine,

one day we’ll feast, at your table, we’ll dine.

and we’ll fall at the feet,

awestruck, amazed, at how you defend,

and as we enjoy this, your glory will not end…

.: doors :.

Michael Newsome — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 16:56:24 +0000

Over the short amount of time I have lived on this Earth, I have often been confused by friendship. It is something I have longed for. I have often gotten mad at those friends who have failed me and have rejoiced in those who have stayed. I long for true acceptance. I believe there will always be days when I feel like the world is on my side, and there will be completely opposite days, when I feel like I am all alone, left to just my thoughts.

Friendship for me has been like a hallway of doors. As I have walked along this hallway, I knock and ask if someone can come out to play. Some come out, some are too busy, some ignore me, but true friends remain. Many that have come outside have walked with me, even held my hand, but when things have gotten dark, they’ve gone back to where they came and reenter that door they once came out of.

As I am writing this, I am sitting in a class in college. Looking around, I see faces filled with desperation. Faces longing for acceptance. I understand why some people tattoo themselves, pierce their bodies in uncomfortable places, dye their hair the colors of Crayola spreads, grow their hair out, or even shave their heads; as different as I may be in appearance to them, I am one of them. I am a person who longs to be accepted for who I am or just have an eye to behold me and tell me that I’m worth a moment.

True friends will stay with us. They will see the sunset ahead, take our hands and tell us that we can make it. They will walk with us towards the sunset, and as the sun falls, walk by the light of the moon, till the sun rises again; and a new day begins. It may take years to find, but we must keep knocking, because we will never find that one special friend unless we first knock.

…to be continued

.: patience and purity :.

Michael Newsome — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 01:13:37 +0000

Over the years, both patience and purity have been two very difficult things. It takes courage to be patient and strength to be pure. Everyday we face choices and battles. When we wage war and endure through trial, we will learn to suffer well and suffer long. I long thought that purity was something you put on, like a coat, showing you’re not defiled or won’t be. I’ve come to realize that purity is not like this.

We are all defiled and every choice we make separates us from the very hand of our existence. Purity and patience, when joined together, are not things we possess or put on, they are things we live. Purity and patience should be our lifestyle. The choices we make come from a deep sense of security, knowing that we all fall short of perfection but must strive for it in all that we do.

We make choices not because they are the right things to do, but because they are what we have spent years coming to realize and believe in. From purity, we must first live out patience. Patience, which knows things are working out even when we feel like we cannot take any more silence. The more we wait, the more we hope and pray to the one above that he is working things out for our joy.

We must make choices to bring safety both to ourselves and those we hold close. We do not do these things to gain love or receive an ego stroke, we do these things because of the everlasting grace that is our existence. We should strive for purity as we wait for natural things to become evident and have a feeling of clarity as we attempt to be devoted to those we love.

We may never see the benefits of either patience or purity. We may always be waiting and always strive for purity in all action, thought, idea, and motive; but when we persevere, we all should know that our striving is not losing. Victory is found when we strive for things, not just in the culmination of things. When we strive for traits like purity and patience wholeheartedly, we find that the ultimate prize is our joy.

This joy is found in the glorification of our Maker. Finding complete joy in him shows that he is worthy to be enough for us so we can endure and persevere. We face choices everyday, the ones we make today effect the ones we will make tomorrow. Knowing that if we stay the course, with eyes fixed on the prize, we can and will find victory in the joy that is eternity. This joy builds in our patience and builds because of our purity so we may be complete, lacking in nothing.

.: leading into light :.

Michael Newsome — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 05:21:56 +0000

It’s always been intriguing to me. Light is contagious. I love days when the air is clear and the sun is bright, but even more so, I love days when the clouds cover the sky and the sun hides, waiting to be seen. Days when clouds form imaginary structures that leave adolescents guessing their forms. Days when we can lay on blankets, sit on benches, and follow the light as it shines across the sky. The shine of the light that reflects off water and glass, peers into the eyes of those who seek to find it.

Light captures my attention. Light leaves me without words. It allows moments of silence around those I love to be enough. The sun falls the moment the moon rises. Both dance in the sky on cosmic strings like marionettes played by the creator’s amazing hands. They leave me marveling at their design. The stars fail in comparison to my simple eyes. But the stars, each with a name, are much bigger, brighter, and infinite in number. They show off the magnitude of the universe that surrounds them.

I will always be in awe of this light until my dying day. The design of it is for my joy. Each and every beam of light was created to work together with my senses and tug at my heart. Moon beams and sun rays trail into star dust and solar flares which are strewn across the expanse. Whenever I experience light, it leaves me longing, yearning, to be led into the light all the days of my life. It leaves me with a hunger and a passion to lead others into light.

I want to forever be in awe and marvel at it. It fails in comparison to the greatness of the light that I will experience someday; light that will last forever. I am designed with such great significance to long to be insignificantly significant.

.: the way of light :.

Michael Newsome — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 04:29:12 +0000

Lately, the future has only looked bright in my life. This is an outlook that I’ve never really had until now. My joy is full, my soul at ease, my mind has peace, and my heart fills with God’s amazing love and grace. The brightness of the Light himself, Jesus Christ, is becoming clearer and clearer with each new day, and it leaves my whole being in awe.

I believe that this change in my life has happened from before I was born and will continue to work its way out until the day my heart beats no more. I set out on a pursuit sometime last year. I stole Thoreau’s quote, “I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life,” but I changed it and capitalized the “l’s” in the words life. “I wanted to live deep and suck out the marrow of Life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not Life.”

Jesus Christ is both called the Light and the Life. “In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” (John 1:4) My routing of that which is not Life has led to a pursuit for the demise of all things in my life that bring shame to myself and blaspheme God. As I have constantly pursued fleeing immorality and pursuing holiness, the Light which is Life has become clearer and the clouds continually peal away and show the Son, in all of his splendor.

I do not do these things to become someone great, I do these things because my God is great and his mercy which saves me astounds me. My God can do far more than I could ever ask or do. My God is greater than anything else in this world, in fact, he created this world. There is no other way in life that seems so clear except for the way of Life, which is Light. My girlfriend Nicole has this quote written on her bedroom wall,

“How could it be any other way than the way of light.”

How could Life be any other way except for the way of Light? The light illuminates our ways and makes our ways perfect. He enables us to stand on heights and allows all aspects of our lives to lead to joy, which he encapsulates. There is no other way in life that demands me to live so “sturdily and Spartan-like,” able to suck out the marrow of this Life. This marrow is what I seek to feast on, until my days finish.